I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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