all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
