only you would photoshop your dick
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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