Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
