So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
