This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
