tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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