did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
