Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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