shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Randomize
