Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
