why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
