I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
