So drunk its hurt
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
