Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
