either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
