I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
