It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
