Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
