i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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