The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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