if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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