I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
