porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
