remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
