You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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