I'm going to jail i love you
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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