Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
