she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
