So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
