Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
