I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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