i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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