You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
