I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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