You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
