Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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