I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
