My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize