We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
