Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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