Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
