I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My balls are so social today.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
