We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
