I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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