lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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