I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
