when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
