There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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