margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
