"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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