hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
