Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
