How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
