you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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