am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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